Pain Wins

Haven't been here to post in a couple of days, but I have very good reasons...pain and pain medication.


I don't know if I've mentioned it previously, but I have severe arthritis in my left hip and I did something last Friday that 68 years of conditioning allowed my brain and body to act upon without thought...I jumped up to grab hold of a branch I wanted to prune off the apple tree. Imagine my surprise when I landed back on my feet and my hip shrieked loudly. It has continued to shriek since although the volume is slowly going down. As if the pain were not enough, some part of my brain immediately began telling me how stupid I was to have jumped. Another part of my brain told the first part to just shut-up, that it had to understand that 68 years had far more seniority than the few months it's been contending with arthritis. To shut them both up, I took myself in the house and swallowed a Vicoden.




Now I don't know how medication affects you, dear reader; but I have a very low tolerance for it and in no time at all, it makes me very stupid. Back in the day, I was an editor for the Textbook of Physiology and Biophysics; and through reading and editing the chapter submissions, the galley and page proofs, I learned a great deal about the brain. So, I believe that Vicoden not only works on the pain receptors, but it also smothers whatever areas of the brain that allow me to think and function like a normal person. I mean, I'm still a normal person, but I can't hold a thought, remember what I was saying; and if it didn't hurt to lay (or is it lie) down, I'd be more than happy to stay in bed until my owie is all better or my husband transports me to Tacoma and leaves me on a street corner with a tag around my neck that identifies me as Jane Doe and provides an address on the east coast.


So, those are my excuses for not sitting and typing...yes, I could have sat and typed, but it most likely wouldn't have made much sense...is this making sense? But, I've cut back on the meds and slowly whatever files were shut down and put to sleep for several days are coming back on line...I can actually complete a sentence without losing track of what I was saying. Actually, perhaps I should try blogging when I'm high...why do they call it high anyway since all it does to me is make me stupid and sleepy...and see what shows up here. And, the opportunity to do so will undoubtedly return inasmuch as apparently arthritis has a tendency to flare up even if you don't do anything, or aren't aware you've done anything. I'll have to think about that while I have all my faculties. The resulting post could be quite funny and then again, it might not.


Do you suffer from any kind of chronic health problems that don't show up every day? How do you deal with them? This is really new for me, so suggestions or ideas would be most appreciated...please, post away.

Google+ Surprise

Today my email held a message from a man who was in my original writer's group back in the mid 1990s. When the group disbanded, he was headed for retirement and moving back east someplace. According to his message, he's back in the Northwest and wanted to know if I'd like to get together to do some "yammering." Of course, my response to him was YES!!


Don't know how you are about people who have come and gone in your life, but I oftentimes find myself wondering about this one or that one. I've even considered stopping at various homes of people who used to be in my circle back when the boys were in school and played soccer and basketball to see how the parents and their kids are doing. I then wonder if they ever wonder about me and my boys and how we're doing.


One of the sad things about getting older is how your circle of friends can shrink. I went back to my 50th high school reunion last June and there were a few people I recognized, but not many. My class was the largest graduating class ever and with the exception of one person (because mutual friends brought us back together), I don't see or have contact with any of the schoolmates I hung with back then.


All the mothers and fathers with whom I was friendly during the time the kids spent in school and involved in sports...and with two kids ten years apart, it was a very long time...are no longer a part of my friend circle. In some cases, this was not surprising, but in other instances, I actually thought we had a friendlier relationship than that. I miss knowing what happened in their boy's lives...are they happily married, children, live close by? I really cared about some of those young men.


Then, there are the friends who moved away, but with whom I am still in touch. I talked to my best friend on Cape Cod this past Saturday. Her youngest son is getting married next month, and we chatted about that and other aspects of our lives as though we'd talked the day before. Another best friend is in Florida and she sent me an email (to which I have yet to reply, for shame) about this blog and how she is doing in her retirement. Again, if we met up tomorrow, we'd take up as though we'd seen each other just last week. I have a few other friends like this and I so enjoy catching up with them on a fairly regular basis to celebrate or commiserate about our lives and the lives of their children.


Friendships like that make me wonder even more about all the people who were woven into the fabric of my life even though their particular swatch of yarn may no longer be included in today's design. I feel sad when I think about how those individuals have moved on and no longer add to the pattern, color and beauty of my life. I'd love to know how their lives and families have changed over the years. I'd love to know that, like me, they sometimes remember a particular basketball game, field trip, graduation, team pizza party and wonder how me and my family are doing. I'm sure they must, or at least I hope so.


I'm really looking forward to seeing my writer friend and catching up. I have thought of him and the others that were in the group over the years and wondered how they were doing; were they published; were they still writing? At least with Dennis, I'll be able to catch up on his life (and maybe even some of the others if he's stayed in touch) when we get together to yammer at each other.


Do you wonder about the hundreds of people who have touched on your life?  Have you ever reached out to one or more of them to catch up? Were you happy you did?

Summer Planning

A real blessing of retirement is having the time to spend with my granddaughter, Haley. Yesterday, was a no school day for her, so we went to see "The Amazing Spiderman." A couple of weeks ago, we went to see "Captain America." Next week we'll go see "The X Men: Days of Future Past." This is really fun for me first because I get to spend time with Haley, second because I love going to the movies, and third because I love these comic book heroes. When I was a kid, my mom would bring home stacks of comic books with half the front page torn off which meant they were out-of-date and not saleable.


Yesterday, after the movie Haley and I were talking about her upcoming summer vacation. Except for a week of camping with her parents, she said she has nothing planned. So, I asked her if she wouldn't like to have adventures with Nana. She thought that sounded like fun, so I'm going to be thinking about what we can do in the great northwest that will be both fun and doable for both of us. Fortunately, I've saved magazine and newspaper articles that reference various places around Seattle to which we can drive or get to by utilizing public transit. In fact, one adventure may be to take public transit from the beginning to the end of a route and back.  Best of all, the information I've saved is about places or things I'd really like to see/do, but have had no one to accompany me in the past.


One thing that worries me just a bit about Haley is her tendency to make abroad sweeping statements about a particular possibility, i.e., "I'm afraid of heights." This means she doesn't want to try the huge ferris wheel on the waterfront, have lunch in the Space Needle or even go up in the Smith Tower...I've lived here for 60+ years and I've never done any of these things, but not because of height fear. When she makes these broad statements about what she is afraid of or will NEVER do, she always gets the Nana lecture about how she is limiting herself by making these choices/statements.


Yes, I do know she's only 12, and still has a lot of growing up (don't we all, no matter the age) to do. I'm also sure that as she grows and matures, many of her current fears or dislikes will be discarded and replaced by new ones which, in turn will be discarded and replaced again as she matures further. It's all part of growing up and we each do it in our own way.


As I review the various choices for Summer Adventures With Haley, I'll keep in mind her preferences as well as my own. There are many adventures from which we can choose; and, no matter the choice, what's important is that we will be making Haley/Nana memories and enriching both our lives. I'm sure to blog about at least some of these fun times here.


Do you have a grandchild or grandchildren? Are you doing more with them now that you are retired? And, don't you just treasure that time together?

Motivation

Motive:  Something (need or desire) that causes a person to act. Motivate:  To provide with a motive. Motivation: the act or process of motivating.

I looked these words up to find out their actual meanings. Initially, I didn’t realize that motivate or motivation had anything to do with motive. I always thought that motive mainly dealt with things like a motive for murder. Apparently, what I need then is a motive to get myself off my derriere and doing something. It’s hard to come up with a motive that will result in my having the motivation do get something done, or at least something that has meaning for me.

For more than 50 years, motivation was not a problem. I was motivated by a pay check and the benefits that entailed. My job motivated me to get out of bed each morning. Paying off the mortgage and monthly bills provided motive. A trip to Kenya or China provided motivation to continue working. Being able to shower the grandchild with anything she desired was a well-earned result of employment. There wasn't a dearth of desires or reasons to keep on keeping on.

The truth about that motivation, however, is that it wasn't self-driven. It was driven by the paycheck, my boss, family, friends, bills that needed to be paid, etc. In addition, there was another huge and very important factor with regard to motivation...having your boss, co-workers, other individuals tell you how wonderful you are, how irreplaceable (we all know that's not true from the get-go), how talented, clever, smart...place the complimentary adjective(s) of your choice here.

Now, I do laundry, vacuum, dust, cook, grocery shop, etc., all the things one needs to do to live a life. The motive for all of these is easily understood. I don’t want to live in a filthy house, use paper plates, or make and eat food that isn’t especially good. These are things that have to be done just to live life and are also all things I did while employed. Once these are accomplished, and I used to do the majority of them on a Saturday/Sunday, I now have lots of free time to utilize as I choose.

What's lacking here is the reward. No one's going to give me a paycheck...or even a thank you...for doing the regular every day things that need doing. No one's going to pat me on the head and tell me how wonderful my garden looks, how my writing is akin to that of Barbara Kingsolver, how walking must be rewarding because I look so slim, or provide any kind of praise for any project I take on and complete.

So, without reward, is it possible to be motivated?  Yes, I enjoy gardening, but I don’t like doing it in the cold, rain or hot sun, and no one really pays attention anyway. Plus, it’s a never-ending process. Yes, I enjoy writing, but most of the time when I return to what I’ve written, my inner judge looks at it and deems it garbage…isn’t that what the delete key is for?  Yes, the shadow boxes I filled with pins and broaches I've collected and will never wear again look terrific...on my bedroom wall where no one sees or comments on them.

The truth is that I have to provide my own motivation. In an effort to do this, I've begun making lists. What's different about these lists is that I begin anew each Monday. The first items on the list are the ones from the previous week that did not get done and are marked with an asterisk(s). Then I list what's to be done for that day. Under the Tuesday heading on Tuesday, I list items that I should do that day. I continue through the week doing this for each day. On this week's list on Monday, "dust" is listed with three asterisks after it...this means it's been carried forward three times. Guess I haven't found the right motivation for dusting yet.

If you're newly retired, do you have a problem motivating yourself to get stuff done? Tell me about it. Do you have any ideas or methods to share that might increase my motivation...am going to have to dust sooner or later...looks like way later right now.

Exercise, Physical Therapy, Gym

There was a time in my life when the use of my name, Paula, and the words gym and sweat used in a sentence would have made me laugh. But, that was before breast cancer and a year of treatment. Once the treatment was completed, my muscles had the consistency of an al dente noodle. Not exactly Superwoman, capable of leaping tall buildings, stopping trains or doing anything that required muscle strength.

 After four weeks of physical and occupational therapy for four hours a day, my muscles once again did my bidding, and I felt better than I had for a very long time, even pre cancer. So, I did what seemed to be the next step…I joined a gym.  While I was working, I'd get up at 4:30 am to go to the gym first thing. When I retired, my plan was to spend even more time at the gym, but I'm afraid I didn't exactly exercise that plan. It was so easy to sleep in, slouch around, think about the gym and then, go, "Oh, golly gee, it's dinner time and I haven't been to the gym...maybe tomorrow."

I confess, I absolutely hate exercise and going to the gym. People talk about how cardio releases endorphins…what endorphins??? People talk about how much better they feel mentally after a good bout of exercise…there’s nothing wrong with me mentally (or so I tell myself). People and my doctor talk about how much longer I’ll live and how much healthier I’ll be if I just keep exercising…that’s scary, but apparently not a big motivator. Unfortunately, I have to change my attitude about exercise, physical therapy and going to the gym, but it is damned hard.

In March, I was diagnosed with moderate to severe arthritis in my left hip...according to the Physical Therapist, who saw the x-rays, it's more severe than moderate, and the pain I experience definitely points to severely severe as far as I'm concerned. I began physical therapy in March and for the last couple of weeks, really thought I had progressed to the point where I could cancel my July appointment in orthopedics...no hip replacement for me...yahoooooo!!! Very little pain, absolutely no stiffness thanks to PT and walking almost every day.

So much for progress when I went to bed last night. My hip hurt, severely, no matter how I tried to arrange my body in bed. That's the odd thing about this. If I could sleep standing up, there would probably be no pain. Pain medication doesn't help a great deal and makes me feel as though my brain is wrapped in cotton the next day. So, after a horrible pain-filled night, I cancelled my morning walk and haven't done any PT today. My hip feels just fine again; and I'm not stiff, but I'm wondering how it will be once I crawl into bed.

What I'm left wondering is whether I did this to myself by not keeping my vow to go to the gym on a regular basis. Did my lazy habit of not exercising or walking much exacerbate this problem? Or, is it just that when you get arthritis, there can be flare-ups like last night. The past six weeks of PT have caused my muscles to become stronger; and most days I am able to accomplish almost anything I choose without pain. According to the physical therapist, I need to continue to do my stretches and PT and get back to the gym to maintain and better the progress I've made.

You would think that becoming pain free and feeling better physically and mentally would be more than enough motivation to put PT and exercise at the top of my daily list of to-dos. Perhaps in time (six+ weeks isn't enough time????), I'll begin to look forward to walking, stretching, keeping up my physical therapy and adding the gym back into my schedule.  Right now, I’m desperate for something...I know not what...that will keep me on the path I began in March. I actually know I really don't have a choice, but I'd just like this choice to be more palatable.

I’d more than welcome any suggestions or ideas you've used to make yourself get up and out there. What kind of tricks have you used to make something you heartily dislike more agreeable? 

Something else that's a blessing and a curse when you're retired is hair, makeup and nails. No longer do I have to get up early each morning to shower and shampoo, lotion my entire body, dry and style my hair. If I choose, I can get up late, sit around with uncombed hair and unwashed self for as long as I want. Fortunately, I don't adhere to that type of schedule very often because I think I'd soon find myself disgusting.


When I retired, I decided I was going to let my hair grow. My goal was/is to be one of those older women with a gray braid down to her ass. Now my hair is longer than it was even in my hippie days, and I'm finding the longer it grows the more it annoys. If I allow it to just flow, my neck and shoulders get hot and sweaty (I hate to sweat), plus it gets in my way, in my eyes, in my food, in what I'm drinking...it's a nuisance. If I twist it up and secure it with a clip, I think I look really old.  There's always the old pony tail standby, but someone told me having your hair in a pony tail all the time causes it to fall out. Besides, I really don't think I resemble Peggy Sue even a tiny bit these days.


I've always admired French braids, but I can barely get my hair into a regular braid and can't imagine what kind of contortions I'd have to perform to make it French. So, tomorrow, I'm going to have my hair stylist give me a permanent. I don't want spiral curls like I had about 20 years ago...I just want it to be kind of wavy. We'll see how it turns out, and if it's awful, then we'll simply cut it short. Maybe that's where I really want to go...short, easy peasy, wash and dry.


Back in the day, I used to wear makeup all the time. That included foundation, eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, rouge, mascara and lip gloss. Long before I retired, I "retired" the eye makeup. After all, when you reach a point where your eyelashes stick straight out (even if you use an eyelash curler) because your eyelids have fallen, there's no point in trying to use eye makeup. These days when I want to be "fancy," I stroke on a little eyebrow pencil, apply some lip stain and gloss and call it good.


When I retired, I also tried to give up fingernails. I've had long, painted nails since I was about 12 years old. I had a babysitter who had long beautiful red nails, and she told me she'd show me how to do mine if I stopped biting them. So, I did and began a Sunday evening ritual that lasted for more than 40 years. Each Sunday night, I would remove the previous week's polish, file, push back the cuticles and then reapply polish. This always took a minimum of two hours.


Why bother you ask. Well, I simply cannot function without fingernails. A high school typing teacher made me cut my nails so she couldn't see them over the ends of my fingers and I flunked every typing test until they grew back. Fortunately, she let me retake those tests and this was back when all typewriters were manual...I can hear some kid wondering what a manual typewriter is.


After I turned 50, my fingernails apparently decided they were far too old to cooperate any longer and began to crack and break and look totally horrible by Tuesday. Such a waste of time. Then, my son's girlfriend (eventually wife) introduced me to acrylic nails. Whooooooeeeeeeee, but was I thrilled to learn about this process. Every two weeks, you visit the nail place and walk out 30-45 minutes later with beautiful fingernails that do not break or chip and look excellent for two, sometimes even three, weeks. I spent my first retirement year without acrylic nails. My own grew out, but they were the same as they had been before acrylics...brittle and thin.  So, I returned to getting my nails done every couple of weeks.


The entire time I was growing up and older, I thought there would come a time when I could just relax and give up on any kind of physical adjustments to make myself look better. Even having an aunt who had her hair and nails professionally done once a week until she passed on in her late 80s didn't deter me from that idea.


So, it's a blessing and a curse to be able to choose how I want to look each day without outside influences. Don't want to end up looking like a really really old lady before my time, but do enjoy not having to meet any expectations beyond my own.


When you retired, did you change your personal habits? Did you get fewer haircuts, stop looking in the mirror and assessing how you look before leaving the house? Share with me...you might have some words of wisdom I'd enjoy seeing.

Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day and the little girl inside me wants her mommy. She'd like to snuggle up close for hugs and stories. She'd like to sit on the floor while mommy brushes her hair. She'd like to share a beer and talk about daddy whom she misses as well. While my boys and husband celebrate me and my motherhood; and while I'm grateful to have children and grandchildren, today would be a truly happy day if it were possible to have my mother and grandmother present.


Somehow I never expected to become the eldest female in the family...matriarch is a word for someone far older than me. Somehow, I just expected my grandmother and mother to remain in my life forever. My grandmother left us 34 years ago this coming December and mom joined her and daddy 16 years ago. By now, I should be accustomed to not wishing them Happy Mother's Day, but as I reflect on how they shaped my life, I only miss them more and especially the opportunity to tell them I understand now what I didn't understand then.


Grandma was there at my birth and continued to be a part of my life on a daily basis until I was 12 years old. Suddenly, she climbed on a plane and went to California to live with one of her sons. I have many wonderful memories of her during those 12 years. She returned to Seattle after her sons passed away. By this time, I was all grown up with a child of my own, but hadn't matured enough to realize how some things will matter later on and how sad I'd be that I didn't realize that then.


Grandma lived in senior housing just across the valley from my house. I could almost see where she lived. My mom and dad looked after her, taking her to the doctor, grocery shopping, out and about on other errands and transporting her to the various family functions and holidays. I helped with this when asked, but failed to take advantage of what my grandma wanted to and could give me. Instead, her stories of life in Tennessee as a child, a woman married to a man more than 40 years older than her, hardscrabble farming, raising five of her own children and 11 from the two previous wives (who both died) annoyed me because she repeated herself so often. Now, were she able to talk about how she never went home to visit her own family because 50 miles was too far to go, I would have a multitude of questions. Sadly, I now do have a multitude of questions, just no way to obtain answers. I apologize to my grandma for not having the patience, maturity and enough love to take advantage of what she offered with every visit and every phone call.


Unfortunately, my impatience and lack of understanding also affected my relationship with my mother. It had to have been hard to return home with a bun in the oven even though apparently no one questioned the ring on her finger or the story of a dead spouse in World War II. Today, I would ask her about how frightened she had to have been, how she dealt with that, how she thought she would be able to raise me on her own.


Mom never talked about growing up or her years in Tennessee. It was my husband who pointed out that whenever Grandma began talking about the times back then, Mom got up and left the room. Today, I'd follow her and ask questions about why she found this so painful. I'd coax her to take a trip with me to Tennessee both to visit the places she knew as well as to reap the stories she would share about those times.


It's too late for me to revisit the past with my grandma and my mom, but I have a project that I hope will provide answers and information to my sons and grandchildren should they, and as most children do, fail to ask enough questions before I join those who went before me. I've started a journal that will contain all the stories I do know that reach back to my great-grandmother. Some of these stories may be a single paragraph while others may run on for pages. It's my personal legacy; and one I now wish I could make richer had I had the patience and foresight to look ahead to the large, vacant spots in my life that my Grandmother and Mother once enriched with their presence.


Happy Mother's Day to the women who came before me. Thank you for the gift of life, strength, determination, love and memories...memories that could be more complete but which I cherish nonetheless.

Free Time???

Finally realized I can give my posts a title and just did so. This most likely means (at least I hope so) that you are wondering why I would have three question marks after the title. I guess it's because I believe that many people have incorrect assumptions about the life of a retired person...and, that would include my own incorrect assumptions.


This was really brought to my attention by my young (11 yo) honorary grandchild. He asked me if I would participate in a fifth grade class project to which I agreed. At the end of the project, both students and grandparents were invited to tea. During the tea, he talked about his grandpa and I inquired as to why he hadn't invited his grandpa to participate. Following aren't his exact words, but close:


        "My grandpa works and he's really busy all the time, and well, you have a lot of free time."


My response to him was that my time wasn't free and that I charged. He got this worried look on his face and when I asked if he wanted to know what I charged, his response was a yes. I told him I charged a lot...lots of hugs and kisses.


Later, after lots of hugs and kisses, I got to thinking about our exchange. And, yes, it's true to a degree that I do have lots of free time, but that doesn't mean that I am not busy. I am always doing something, but being retired, I have the blessing of being able to adjust my schedule in such a way that I am able to participate in events or plans that are important to me...just as his project and tea were important to me.


What I also realized was that I, myself, had been thinking that I had a lot of free time. I need to eliminate these thoughts from my head. True, I hope to be around for many more years, but you never really know do you. There are still lots of projects I want to begin and finish, places I want to visit, people I want to spend time with, etc. Thinking I have a lot of free time has allowed me to put off some of these.


When I retired two years ago, I planned to inventory everything in the house. This included taking a picture of each item, uploading it into a document and providing an explanation as to what each item meant, where it came from or from whom it was acquired. To date, I have taken photographs of almost everything except the new items I simply couldn't live without...really, how could I possibly pass up another Murano glass bird with sticker when Goodwill only wanted seven bucks for it? I've even uploaded some of these pictures into a Word document and provided the explanation. Some pages have even been printed out, but I am far from being able to cross this project off my list.


How about scanning all the shoeboxes of old pre-digital photographs, uploading into a document and identifying the people shown. The shoeboxes remain in the hall closet...not once have I pulled even the first box out to see what I have. Not only that, but I haven't paid a lot of attention to the scan capability of my printer. Yes, I've used it now and again, but not often enough to know what I'm doing. Each time I use it, I have to look up the instructions...again.


There are additional projects I actually figured I'd have completed by now. Unfortunately, enjoying all my "free" time doing stuff I really like as opposed to stuff that would be a chore, has  prevented me from shortening my list. A friend told me when she heard about my retirement plans to not be surprised if I didn't complete my list. Now I'm wondering if she was talking about how my "free" time would usurp my plans.


How about you? Did you have a multitude of projects, places, people, goals that you were sure you would complete? If so, do you have any secrets to share? 

Today I had lunch with my best friend. It’s funny how our lives have intersected and intertwined. When I first met her, we both worked part-time. Later on, I began to work full time and actually became her supervisor...a temporary assignment that lasted for over ten years. When I retired, she to work part-time, so we had many wonderful afternoons together to explore new places and have fun together.

Last spring, I was asked to return to the zoo to fill in for a woman who was having a baby. I was also encouraged to get my best friend to work full time and take on the hours I wasn’t willing to work. I was successful in convincing my friend to work full time…what a very stupid mistake that was, at least for me.  By the time I completed my part-time fill-in job, my best friend had come to the conclusion it would be to her benefit financially if she were to continue to work full-time for the next four years until she, too, could retire.

So, here we are with our situations reversed…she’s working full-time and I’m not. In addition to working full time she takes care of her 92 year old mother (grocery shopping, etc.), has three grandbabies and helps with her husband’s business. Initially, I was desolate, thinking that she would never find time for me because her job and family would take up all her time. But, we’ve made it a point to have lunch, dinner or a glass of wine at least once a week since I stopped working.

And, to be perfectly honest, it is rather nice to watch the way she has grown/is growing into her full-time position. As her supervisor, I always knew she was capable of a workload way beyond her job description. Now, she has two bosses and way more responsibilities. I also think she's really enjoying these new challenges which makes it even better for her. But I still must admit I’m looking forward to her retirement in four years so we can once again spend afternoons on new adventures.

While my friend had to return to work, I did not and decided to really take the entire afternoon off (a blessing). So, I picked up a combination pizza at the Northlake Tavern for dinner, returned home and used "on-demand" to bring up and watch several television programs that I hadn't had time to watch when they aired. Snuggled beneath my favorite throw, I participated in a Revolution, played with Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and joined the folks in the CSI lab to solve a 25-year-old mystery. Of course, being so comfortable, it did become impossible now and then to keep my eyes from slamming shut, but that's the nice thing about "on-demand" (even though I hate Comcast), I can always go back and pick up whatever I missed if I need to.

Now, the sun is shining again, so I think I'll run out and treat my straw bales with some more fertilizer and water. Another couple of weeks and I should be able to plant tomatoes, pumpkins and squash in them. After I finish that, it will be time to bake that scrumptious pizza, stuff myself and curl up beneath my comfy throw again.

How did retirement affect your friendships? Did you see any changes? Did you find it difficult to maintain contact with your previous co-workers?

On 60 Minutes last Sunday, Leslie Stahl had a segment about the "Oldest Old" or "90+" segment of our population...not our entire population, but members of Leisure World who had filled out large questionnaires in 1981. A researcher and her staff are coming up with some surprising results as they re-interview, study and perform additional research on the 1000+ individuals still alive. One of the facts, which I think most people know anyway, is that the people in this research group who remain active, socialize, stay current, take on new challenges, etc., are the ones who live longer and live well.


That segment has made me think about a lot of different things. One of them is socialization, rather difficult to do since the majority of my friends still work. When I worked, I saw these friends on a daily basis five days a week, and sometimes even on weekends. There was plenty of opportunity for us to catch up, talk about our lives, little annoyances, major successes, and just generally touch base on a regular basis. During that time, I had a friend who had already retired, who was alone most days and lonely for company and conversation. She would call me on a fairly regular basis; and if I was too busy to answer the phone, I let it go to voice mail. There were times I felt like she was a real nuisance. I've now come to realize that socialization can be a retirement curse.


All my working friends have lives beyond their jobs, so I cannot (and will not) call them at work on a regular basis to chat for a block of time. I do call or email and set up opportunities to have lunch, grab a glass of wine or do something that will allow us to connect and keep our friendship bonds strong. In turn, these same friends make an effort to fit me into their schedules, to reach out to me about things they are doing and would like me to do with them. I'm very fortunate that way. Still, it's hard to crowd everything we want to share into a lunch or dinner hour, so sometimes I don't feel as close to them as I once did when we shared every day.


Still, this is not socialization on an every day basis and can lead to the curse of loneliness...although it hasn't yet become a huge issue for me. I know there are additional options out there to increase my ability to socialize. There are all those senior groups, but I don't yet feel as though I'm old enough to be a senior. I haven't decided how old is old enough, but right now, I'm just not that old. There's also volunteer opportunities, but again, I don't feel like I'm ready to commit to a volunteer program or even know which one I'd like to take on.


I do go to the gym and heaven knows, during the day there are a lot of people my age and above who frequent the gym on a daily basis, sometimes for hours at a time. Again, I don't feel as old as they appear and the usual topic of conversation about aches, pains, medications, illness, etc., doesn't appeal to me. No matter how hard I try to keep the conversation away from those topics, it always ends up there. It was only during the times I had a personal trainer that going to the gym was fun and interesting.


Taking a class, as I am now, would, I hoped, provide opportunities for more socialization, but that hasn't led to any major changes with regard to being social. True, we meet once a week, are supposed to be looking at each other's blogs and providing feedback, but linking through the means of ones and zeros, sitting in front of a monitor just isn't the kind of socialization I was hoping for.


As this year continues, I plan to continue to reach out in various ways (not sure just what ways yet) to find a new niche in which I can fit with people who want to socialize by talking about current affairs, philosophy, pleasures of grandparenthood, travel and a myriad of other topics that do not in any way relate to our health. I know these people are out there...I just need to find them.


How about you fellow retiree or reader?  Are you finding ways to increase your socialization?  Want to share some of those ideas with me? I'd be glad to give any and all ideas a try.

Was up and about early again this morning, although not as early as yesterday. I had registered for a Quarterly Market Update Seminar at Fidelity Investments in Lynnwood. As the presenter said at the seminar, when you are working and bringing home a paycheck regularly, most people don't pay too much attention to how their investments are doing. But, once that regular paycheck is gone, most people tend to check their accounts every day and worry about how the DOW or the S&P 500 are doing on a daily basis. He used his mother as an example...once she retired, she called him every single day.


As an ex-hippie and person who couldn't imagine being alive come the year 2000, I didn't really give retirement a lot of thought until 1984. I went to work then for the City of Seattle in a permanent part-time position that gave me benefits...health and dental, retirement, sick and vacation leave. I hadn't had a job with benefits since 1969 and actually didn't realize the job came with benefits until payroll had me fill out all this paperwork. Anyway, the majority of the people I worked with were around my age or up to ten years older. Many of them were talking about retirement, i.e., how many years left, how many years paid in, what to expect at 25 years or 30 years, etc. I was, to put it simply, shocked and amazed to listen to them talk about a topic I had never considered, even in my dreams.


I was even further shocked (and just a bit pissed off) at my husband's response to my griping about my job one day. In the past, he'd always said, "You don't need to put up with that shit, quit."  This time, his response was, "Well, you'd better find another city job to transfer to so you keep our medical benefits." You see, his company had paid for our medical all the years I didn't have benefits and it was a great boon to him to be able to stop.


Another surprise came in 2002 when Woodland Park Zoological Society assumed responsibility for the management and operations of the zoo. By then I was working full time and thought I'd have enough time in to retire from the City and become a Zoo Society employee. My math:  1984-2002 equals 18 years. But, time isn't clocked by years, but by hours worked, so my total time with the City was roughly 13 years. In any case, I elected to bring my retirement fund (including the City's match) over to the Zoo Society's 403(b) account. This was a smart move even though I was really just flying by the seat of my pants rather than knowing I was making a sound financial decision.


It was another eight years before I began to think seriously about retirement. This led me to wonder whether or not I'd actually be able afford to do so. Over those eight years, I'd read various articles about how much money a person/couple would need in retirement. The figures quoted scared the begeezus out of me...$1-2 million; $1 million if I wanted to keep my standard of living. Sheesh, I figured I'd be working until I dropped.


So, I purchased and read a few books about retirement, checked my social security account, talked to the 403(b) representative, looked into various firms like Fidelity, figured out medical insurance costs, etc., did my own math and came to the conclusion I wouldn't have to work until I dropped. True, I wouldn't take multiple expensive trips each year, but I'd certainly be able to continue to live in the style to which I was accustomed.


Today at the seminar, when consumer discretionary spending was brought up, I asked whether or not the fact that so many baby boomers were retiring was taken into consideration. I indicated my discretionary spending had decreased, i.e., purchase less gas, clothes, eat out less often, etc., and to my surprise, was told about a study that had been done. The results of that study indicated that retired people don't spend less, but spend more...like 15% more than they spent before retirement. Well, that study must have included all those retirees who did manage to retire with millions because it certainly doesn't represent me.


The seminar provided a little positive reinforcement as to how my investments are/will be doing, but when I checked my account before writing this, it once again had lost money. I really don't like it on the days I see those red numbers, but I think as long as I don't move into spending that additional 15%, I should be just fine.


How about you? Do you follow the DOW, S&P 500? Do you check your retirement account every day? Are you, like me, spending less in retirement than you did while working? Interesting stuff this.

Wow, I'm feeling accomplished this morning, but not because of any plans I made. My body just decided it didn't want to sleep any longer about 5:00 am. By 5:30, my tummy was growling, so I got up, made myself a coffee and oatmeal with blueberries and blueberry yogurt. By the time I texted my neighbor at 7:30 to see if she wanted to walk then instead of at 8:00, I had washed, toothbrushed, combed, made bed, checked email and Facebook.


My question is why can't I manage to do this every single day during retirement as I did during all those years I worked? I mean, is it really so wrong to get up at 9:20 am as I did yesterday? I wasn't asleep the whole time, but snug and warm under the covers, I came up with some great ideas (should have written them down) for the remainder of the day/week/month/year. Still, when I saw the clock, guilt bowed my shoulders and nipped at the positive feelings I had when I got out of bed. Arrrrgh!!!


You see, finally, at long last, I have the freedom to do whatever I would like to do whenever I'd like to do it. But, how do you change 52 years, or more, of conditioning that kept me to a schedule, made me accomplish tasks and chores and work on a regular consistent and expected basis. I'm having a hard time find a lever to push that will ring the bell and bring me a reward. How do I, as an old dog, teach myself new tricks that will provide me with a reward.


On the other hand, why should I have to teach myself anything? Why can't I just slowly move from day to day without any kind of schedule, doing whatever I feel like doing when I feel like doing it? Who says I have to have a mission in my retirement years? Who says I have to learn anything new or do something meaningful? That who is most likely me because I was conditioned from an early age that if you didn't accomplish something, especially before 8:00 or 9:00 am, then your day was wasted. But, it's my day and why shouldn't I waste it if I want to?


The only problem with wasting the day or days, is that they are not retrievable once they are gone. I was taught and adhere to the idea that a day spent being sick or unproductive is a day wasted, a day that's gone forever; and with it, the opportunity to accomplish something worthwhile. I realized a long time ago that I was raised with guilt. I was not that kind of mother with my own children, and even now, if I try in jest to guilt them into something, their response is, "Nope, mom, guilt ain't gonna work." I'm happy and pleased I was able to do that for them so why do I have such a hard time making my own guilt go away and just enjoy the wonderful opportunities now available to me to do what I want when I want...or to simply do nothing at all.


Were you raised with guilt as a tool? Were you able to overcome that guilt feeling that raises it's ugly head whenever you try to break free of that conditioning? Share your method with me...please.

It was after the second Woodland Park Zoo Board of Directors meeting of 2012, that I officially retired. Wooohoooooo!!! Finally, after 50 plus years of working for a living, I looked forward to doing whatever I wanted with each and every single day to come. Really, how hard could it be to be a retired person???


Well, after the initial novelty of waking up when I want, going to bed when I want, doing whatever I damn well please whenever I damn well please, I've come to the conclusion that retirement is both a blessing and a curse. It's definitely a blessing on days like today. Before it rained, I ran all my errands and took a two-mile walk with the neighbor. When the clouds parted and the sun broke through, outside I went to place slug bait around the dahlias just poking through the soil. I also took the opportunity to unwind and pull out the morning glory that keeps visiting from the greenbelt. I could not have done any of that had I been working.


Unfortunately, today also carries a bit of a curse. Even though I've rung several bells today, Pavlov or his assistant isn't going to provide me with a reward. Aside from patting myself on the back, there's no one who is going to say, "Great job!", or "Thank you for picking up the OJ, doing laundry, making dinner, etc.", or in any way provide me with any sort of positive feedback.


When I worked hard at my job...and I did every single day...there was always someone, whether it was my boss, coworkers, board members, other staff, who told me in some fashion that I had done a great job, was wonderful, terrific, irreplaceable, etc. I must admit I miss that...I miss that a lot!!!


So, here I am a couple of years later trying to figure out how to replace that paid-for (and earned) positivity with some kind of positivity about what I am accomplishing in retirement. I've decided to share my blessing and curses via this blog and hope to find enlightenment in the process.


Meanwhile, reader, are you retired, know someone who is, have any great ideas on how to adjust the curse of no positivity? If so, I would love to benefit from your knowledge.