WALKER WARS OR HEY MARK BURNETT/JEFF PROBST CHECK THIS OUT

No matter what happens, I generally try to find humor in the situation. Recently I had a total hip replacement and my husband is my caretaker. Fortunately my doctor didn’t see or meet him, or the doctor might have sent me to a nursing home rather than allow me to come home to a caretaker that has been using a walker in the house for more than a year. That’s not to say John can’t get around because he can…slowly but his walker makes him appear less capable.


I don’t have a choice about using a walker right now, and I brought one home from the hospital. Our house is conducive to walker use except for a couple of places. As I rounded the door jamb into the kitchen, John was poised to enter the kitchen from the other end. I exclaimed,

          “Oh no, we’re going to crash.” And laughed. John wasn’t amused.

A day or so later, I came out of the bedroom into the hallway just as John prepared to come down the hallway. I squared my walker off, twisted my hands on the handles and made motorcycle sounds. I coined the term Walker War, and again, John was not amused.

During a phone conversation with our son, I told him about our Walker War and elaborated on how there should be a reality show called Walker Wars. My son was also not amused…where are their senses of humor?

Since that conversation which had me laughing until my eyes teared, I’ve given the Walker Wars idea even more thought and think it could be a reality show gem, especially since there are or soon will be more boomers than those younger. I mean really. People actually watch the Kardashians, those hillbilly folks, the family that has more than 19 children; some other show about extreme cheapskates and a new one called Sex Box is set to premier in the next month or so. How could Walker Wars possibly fail?

So here goes my idea. Nursing homes/skilled facilities/retirement homes around the country could vie for a spot on the show. The contests could be held either in the homes or some nearby facility that would be conducive to this program. Winners of regional contests would move to state and the winner there to nationals. The national winners would receive a million dollar renovation for their home or some kind of reward that would benefit the residents.

Can’t you picture a wide hall in a home, both sides crowded with wheelchair bound residents and the spry contestants at either end with their walkers all gussied up. In fact, that could be a separate contest which could include walker users that don’t wish to compete in the war. There are people who really like to fancy up their walkers, so there could be prizes for the most beautiful, disguised or decorative walker…how fun would that be.

Back to the Walker Wars. The MC, (ala Jeff Probst) would be stationed on a slightly raised platform in the middle of the hallway, maybe in a doorway. He begins by raising the crowd’s excitement level, identifying the contestants and providing some background for each. Then, it’s time. The MC says,

          “Walkers ready?” and following a brief pause, shouts “GO!!!!!”

Immediately, the walkers at either end of the hall begin to move forward. The MC encourages and provides commentary:

          “Look at #5, already ahead of the pack. Oh, #11, you’re going to have to pick it up if you want to stay in the game.  Oh no, looks like Walker #8 has fallen and can’t get up…staff are rushing to the rescue. It’s #5 and #14 at the midway point. Who’s going to make it to the end first? You better increase your steps #14 or #5 is going to get there first.”

The commentary can continue in this vein until one of the walkers reaches the other end of the hall. Imagine the excitement which could include heart attacks, strokes and who knows what other problems all this excitement might bring to the residents and participants. Most likely the greatest exhilaration anyone living there has had in a very long time. I’d be willing to bet the majority of the residents would absolutely love to participate in such an experience.  I know I would if I were there.

So, there’s my idea for a reality show that anyone of a certain age could really get behind. I’m sure the majority of us would much rather watch something like this than something called Sex Box or multiple people bathe in the same tub of water because they are extreme cheapskates. Wonder if Mark or Jeff will catch this and make it a reality. I know I’d tune in every single week to watch my contemporaries duke it out with their walkers…hell, I’d even join them with the most customized walker ever when the time came.